As a blk woman (early 20s) I find it very difficult to make friends (and keep them). I envy girls with tons of friends/acquaintances. I feel like most blk women at this age are kinda closed off to meeting new ppl since they already have a good friend group. I feel like I’ve tried everything (changing my approach, places to make friends, being a better friend) and nothing works. How do y’all do it?

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I love meeting new people, and the zoom meetings we did last month really helped, I have few new contacts
If its not here, its twitter or trying to reach old friends from school
And I will dm you to be friend 😊

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Sounds like we’re due for another one 🤗

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I feel like most Black women I know are always down to make new acquaintances, but for real friendships it takes time... I think a lot of Black women value trust and loyalty because we get f*d over in every other aspect of our lives so just takes time. I think if you start trusting them/telling small secrets/ inviting them places it can help speed that process along

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This is a great point! I expect friends to trust me off rip but I’m not willing to do the same

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Same! I am in my late 20s and it gets harder. Let's try and change that 👸🏽 Would any of you be up for a Zoom HH later this week?

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I would love to join too!!

Yes being in my 20’s, I’ve realized making friends and maintaining friendships are not what they used to be. I will say, I’m very happy with the few close friends I have.
Also, try not to envy women who have “tons of friends/acquaintances”. Some things aren’t always what we perceive them to be, meaning there is a possibility that those women aren’t as close or happy with the people that appear to be their friends.

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Great! How's this Friday at 5:30PT/8:30PT? I will post details the day of on this thread.

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Sad I missed this but hope you all had a good time!

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Same feel free to DM me. I’m in my mid 20s and I feel the same way

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So do I :/

What has happened in the past that you find it hard to keep friends?

It can be easy to meet people, but keeping friends requires a deeper introspection

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I would start there and figure out what has driven you to cut people off.

Start with how you would define your friendship. What does friendship mean to you? Ask yourself why you think you would be a good friend.

I have found that the more I became my true, authentic self the more I found friends and my tribe that were for me.

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I'm in the same boat. I didn't have friends growing up bc I was always the bullied kid and moved to the US when I was 16. At that age everyone already has their established friend groups. After that, I still struggled to make friends.

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I can relate too because my parents aren’t from here either. They believed I shouldn’t focus on having/making friends, that education should be my only priority 😭 I suffer in the social department

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As a black woman attorney, I would agree. I am 20 years older but that was experience too.

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OP - I so appreciate that asked the bridesmaids question! I am 29 and worried about the same. Every time I think I made a girl that might be someone to build a deep friendship with things eventually fade out. It also doesn't help that I work in consulting and I am gone all the time (or was back in our travel days). Now I have relocated due to Covid so also feel like I am on an island.

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Trust definitely takes time and often you may just have to take the plunge and reach out to people through networking/groups like these/etc. When I moved to my current location I used groups like MeetUp to meet new people and form friendships that way. A bit different now that things are different but concept still applies. A bit older than you but feel free to DM as well.

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Hello

I do a few things to keep things popping socially. Plus, as all my mates have kids so are in that mode right now. I don’t have kids and I’m not broody. I’m also in my 30s
1) take a class with a heavily social component (for me it’s standup comedy). COVID wrecked comedy so I helped out with a Zoom comedy writers group and that helped greatly.
2) if sporting groups are back in your area (I’m UK based) and you like that kind of thing, I’ve found that to be a good place to hang out and chat (everyone grabs coffee afterwards)
3) when I’ve moved areas in the past I’ve started groups based on a passion project where people derive value from the connections you facilitate (did one on flexible working advocacy once, then COVID happened. Still got some good people from that).
I made 5 good friends 2 guys 3 girls, my goal at the time though was the projects themselves and the people came to me through those activities.

Appreciate it’s much tricker now with social distancing, but there’s always workarounds - my mother in law is 66 and has some really strong social connections so that’s quite inspiring to me.

I also recommend this podcast by Dhrumil Purohit, a wellness entrepreneur who cares deeply about the topic

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/dhrumil-purohit/broken-brain/e/66057328

Hope that helps :)

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I just moved to a new city before the whole lockdown. It's been very difficult making friends when I can't meet up with people. I've usually relied on meetup or church to meet people. I've made friendships that still last to this day.

Agree

Me too

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